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Archive for the ‘Co-sleeping’ Category

The Co-Sleeping Debate

Posted in Attachment Parenting, Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Sleep, tagged , , , on November 11, 2011 | 4 Comments »

I am a fan of several attachment parenting pages on Facebook, many of which post information that I find very relevant to my own beliefs.  Yesterday, in an outrage, one such page shared the photo below.

While I’m sure that the intentions of this ad campaign was to prevent infants from being suffocated or dying from SIDS, it sends the wrong message, in my opinion. Babies are able to successfully co-sleep. My oldest child co-slept with me until she was over two years old. She only stopped when my second child was born (and totally against her will, might I say). I have co-slept with each one of my four children at some point or another. My 13 month old has co-slept with us since the day he was born. He has a gorgeous crib in his bedroom, but he has never slept more than a few minutes in there. This is due mostly to my beliefs that he’s only a baby once (which is TRUE, as we all know), and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with holding him and making him feel loved and secure until he falls asleep. Many nights I nurse him to sleep (and, yes, I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old and I have no plans to stop anytime soon). Co-sleeping allows me to be close to him should he need anything during the night. If he develops a fever in the middle of the night, the closeness allows me to feel the spike in his body temperature, causing me to wake up and treat it sooner. If he gets hungry during the night, I’m right there to feed him. If he has a bad dream, I’m right there to comfort him. Him being this close allows me to prevent the cries before they happen, and I wouldn’t change anything about that.

The problem I have with this ad campaign is that it gives the impression that ALL co-sleeping is bad. If you’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol, then you shouldn’t co-sleep. You also shouldn’t use pillows and heavy blankets when your baby is small and unable to remove those objects on their own. Babies shouldn’t co-sleep in a room where people are smoking either. In fact, if you are a smoker, you shouldn’t be doing it indoors around your kids at all. That would include in your car! I’m a former smoker, and I’m guilty of smoking in the car with my older three children. I have been smoke-free for two years now. When you know better, you do better, right? But, I digress.

While on my quest to find some favorable statistics for co-sleeping, I came across THIS.

This debate is surely not to be resolved anytime soon. In addition to the “safety” issues of co-sleeping, there’s the “spoiling” debate. My mother-in-law called me last night to discuss our holiday plans and I mentioned that my son was lying in bed next to me asleep. She said that I was “going to spoil that baby”. I giggled and told her it was too late for that. She’s not alone in her opinion. My husband tells me constantly that I need to get him to sleep in his crib. He’s seen what a task it can be though, so he gives in, and since he’s not here a lot of the time, I win this debate in our house. Even my older children (specifically my 7 year old) ask me, “Is Tristan sleeping in his own crib yet?”.

Am I slightly jealous of moms who talk about their babies sleeping for 12 hour stints at the age of 8 weeks? Kind of, but just because at times I’m a bit sleep deprived. I don’t regret a single second of the time I’m spending with my kids by sleep sharing. Can you bond without sleep sharing? Of course you can. This is just what works for my family.

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Co-sleeping

Posted in Attachment Parenting, Being a Mom, Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Naptime, Sleep on September 9, 2011 | 16 Comments »

Do you do it?  Some may call it bed sharing.  Others may call it co-sleeping.  While I was pregnant with Happy Baby, I remember planning for him to sleep in our room after he was born…at least for the first couple of months.  We purchased a travel sized pack n play that doubled as a bassinet  to keep in our bedroom.  I fully intended for him to sleep in this bassinet until he had grown out of it, at which point I would move him to his own room.  We hadn’t purchased a crib yet…I knew he would be in our room for a while so we had plenty of time to find the perfect bedroom furniture for him.  After he was born, it didn’t feel right to put him alone in that bassinet to sleep.   This little baby (ok, so he wasn’t so little) was born in my bed (you can read all about my homebirth HERE).  It only seemed natural for him to sleep here too.  This started immediately, from day one.  Everybody warned me.  ”You’re never gonna get that baby out of your bed if you let him sleep with you”.  This ain’t my first rodeo.  I’ve been there done that.  My first was a co-sleeper.  Yes, it was a process to get her to sleep in her own bed.  But it was far from impossible.  She started sleeping in her own bed when she was ready (which happened to be around the same time that my 2nd child was born).  My second child was an awesome crib sleeper, as was my third.  Each baby is different.  Some babies can’t sleep if they’ve got a partner in bed.  Some babies have difficulty sleeping unless Mommy or Daddy is near.

About a month after his birth, my husband and I purchased a beautiful set of furniture for his nursery.  This set will last him until he goes off to college and beyond.  The crib doubles as a toddler bed and then converts to a full size bed.  The changing table has a hutch and looks more like a wide dresser than a changing table.  He’s also got a beautiful tall dresser and a night stand to complete his set.  I had intentions for him to sleep in his crib when we purchased the set.  He was still so small though, so my intentions were for that to happen “later”.  Well, here we are 10 months after we bought that crib and 11 months after his birth.  Happy Baby is STILL sleeping with Mommy.  I cannot imagine waking up in the morning and not having him snuggled up next to me.  I cannot imagine not having him wake up smiling and getting to see how happy he is after he’s had a full night of sleep.  He giggles, smiles, waves and crawls all over the bed, so happy to wake up and see his Mommy (and sometimes his Daddy, too).

The crib, which remains empty each night.

I know the day will come when we will all be ready for him to transition into his own bed in his own room.  Do I know when that will be?  No.  However, I do know that this is what works for us.  I recently received an email from Babycenter (which I get each week to mark the milestones of my baby) and there’s usually “advice” from doctors and psychologists that are pertinent to your baby’s age and development stage.  The “advice” this week was regarding whether babies should be sleeping through the night at this age.  I was really disappointed that not ONE of the professionals that answered the question mentioned co-sleeping.  One of them said this:

“But beware: If you pick him up, bring him to your bed, or feed him (unless he’s legitimately hungry), you’re going down a very challenging path.”

All three of the professionals quoted for this article mentioned going into baby’s room to check on him/her.  None of them said what you should do if baby is waking while co-sleeping.  Hmmm…

When Happy Baby wakes in the middle of the night, he doesn’t usually wake all the way up.  Usually it’s just a squirm here or there, and he rolls over to nurse.  I am usually able to remain mostly asleep for this.  Many times I have no recollection in the morning of waking up to nurse him.  My only clue will be my exposed breast when I wake up.  My husband used to find this hilarious when he would wake up early to go to the gym.  There I would be, all sprawled out, with just one breast popped out of the top of my tank top.  I’m sure it was quite a sight.

So tell me, do you bed share or co-sleep? I’d love to hear from you!

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Separation Anxiety for the “Happy Baby”

Posted in Co-sleeping, Naptime, Separation Anxiety, Sleep on July 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

My usually happy little guy has become less happy…when he can’t see his mama.  I suppose that one of the down sides to my style of attachment parenting is that my baby wants his mommy to be near him.  At all times.  Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with him (almost) all the time.  However, there are times when I’m feeling like I need a little “me” time, and it would be great if he would be happy being left with my husband or my parents for a little while.  Lately, I can’t even enjoy my weekly worship service for fear that he’s being a complete terror to the nursery workers!  It’s horrible when we get quiet for prayer and you can hear your baby crying just beyond those doors.

My husband says I’ve created “this monster”, and he is partially right.  Is it so wrong to not want your child to cry (translate to:  I don’t want my child to WANT or NEED anything because I am able to recognize all of his needs/wants before they elevate to that cry!)?  So, to keep him happy I have carried him around while I vacuum, do the dishes, switch the laundry, grocery shop, etc., etc.  We co-sleep at night so that when he wakes to nurse, I am right there, waiting with his all-night buffet.  He naps lying in my arms (in hindsight…it honestly cannot be that comfortable for him to not be able to just stretch out!).

My friend visited with two of her kids recently, one of which is 3 days older than my happy baby.  Her happy baby is the polar opposite of mine:

a) she’s a girl

b) she’s a formula baby

c) she sleeps.  alone.  in a CRIB!  and has been since she was just a few days old.

So, while she was here, my friend and my husband conspired to do the “10 minutes in the crib” game with my happy baby.  See, you put the baby in the crib, and if when he cries, you let him cry for 10 minutes before you go back in there.  I wanted no parts of this.  I cannot stand for my guy to cry!  Since she’s been gone, I’ve tried it a handful of times, usually at his late afternoon nap time, after he’s already nursed himself to sleep.  At this point, he’s usually too tired to put up too much of a fight, so he just lies there and cries for just a minute or two, then goes to sleep.

Last night I tried this at bedtime.  He had nursed himself to sleep, and I was confident that his tummy was full, so I attempted to lay him down.  Well, our power had gone off for about 30 minutes earlier that evening, and when it cut back on, apparently the A/C didn’t cut back on automatically, so it was a bit toasty inside.  We stripped him down to his diaper, while he was crying.  My husband brought the fan into his bedroom, and we turned the monitor on, turned the fan onto high, and covered the bottom half of our happy baby up with a blanket.  He cried for about 4-5 minutes, then surrendered to his sleep.  I was amazed.

Hey this works at night too?!  Sweet!  I might get a few hours of sleep without being on all night buffet duty!

Except it didn’t really go down like that.  Instead, I watched the screen of the monitor for even the slightest move that might indicate that he was waking up.  I felt alone, even though my loving husband was lying in bed, snuggling next to me.  I felt a little sad.

What if he wakes up and needs me, and I’m not right there?

What if he wakes up and the monitor isn’t on, then I can’t hear him and he cries for hours?

My mind was going 100 miles a minute.  These thoughts, combined with the super large glass of sweet tea (caffeinated) that I had with dinner were preventing me from sleeping.  At all.  I tossed.  I turned.  I clock-watched.  Finally, after he had been in that crib for 3.5 hours, he stirred.  He cried a little bit, turned himself around in the bed, and curled up in the fetal position to go back to sleep.  I stared at the monitor a little longer.  I noticed the blankets had fallen off of him, and the fan was blowing onto his little body, so I decided he needed me to go at least cover him back up.  I tiptoed into his room, tugged gently on the covers to pull them back up over him, when he turned his head, looked at me, smiled and put his head back down.

Most moms would have just turned and walked out of the room.  Not me!  I breathe a sigh of relief, reach back into the crib to pick him up, and happily carry him back into my room, where I believe he belongs.  At least for now.  Did I sleep any better after that?  Yes, a little.  At least what the high dosage of caffeine I had consumed would allow me.

The point of this is that while babies can develop separation anxiety, it would seem that I am also a little anxious over being separated from my happy baby.

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Can nursing actually make your baby happier?

Posted in Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, World Breastfeeding Week on June 28, 2011 | 1 Comment »

Ok, bear with me for a bit while I get up on my soapbox.  Breastfeeding is something that I’m really passionate about.  I have nursed all of my children.  Initially, I made the choice to breastfeed with my first child because it’s cheaper.  Seemed pretty logical to me.  Formula costs money, and I felt that the little bit of money I had as a 20 year old new mom would be better spent on diapers and my electric bill.  Trust me, it wasn’t easy in the beginning, but I was determined to make it work!  Even after I went back to work, I hauled my breastpump with me.  Three times a day, my office door would shut, and the sound of that breastpump motor would let everyone near my office know that I shouldn’t be interrupted for at least another 15-20 minutes!  It wasn’t until I had been nursing for a while that I began looking into why it was the best thing for my baby.  One of my favorite websites has lots of information about why breast really is best.  Click HERE to read about those reasons.

To add to that list…as a direct result of some of the benefits provided to both mom and baby from breastfeeding, is HAPPINESS!  Any mom who has nursed her babies will tell you that you can take a fussy, cranky baby and transform them into a calm, sleepy baby simply by nursing them.  Not only does this happiness carry through their nursing years, but it has been found to carry into their adult lives as well!  Read THIS for more info.

There are some characteristics of a breastfed baby that might seem like drawbacks to moms who formula feed.  One of those is the fact that my breastfed babies don’t sleep through the night (or at least not as long as theirs do).  That’s because breastmilk is easier to digest, so babies don’t stay full as long.  To combat this, I co-sleep with my breast baby.  When he wakes during the night, Mommy is right there next to him.  He can quietly nurse himself back to sleep, and usually in the morning I don’t remember how long, what time, or if he even woke up.  My only clue will be my exposed breast, and a misplaced nursing pad.  Breastfed babies need to be fed ON DEMAND.  You cannot put a breastfed baby on a strict feeding schedule.  They just need to eat when they’re hungry.  There is no way to measure how many ounces of milk they’re drinking (unless you’re pumping and feeding from a bottle).  The only measure is their contentedness after a feed, their urine output and bowel movement regularity, and their weight gain and growth measured at doctors visits.  Click HERE for info about CUE FEEDING.

This brings me to another topic:  infant growth and development.  With my 3rd baby, I was told at his 6 month checkup that he wasn’t gaining enough weight.  Nevermind the fact that he had just overcome pneumonia.  Nevermind the fact that the pediatrician’s office was using a growth chart intended for formula fed babies.  I was young, and uneducated on the topic, so I listened to the doctor.  I started supplementing with formula, then cut out breastfeeding altogether and he was fully weaned by 7 months.  He is also the only one of my children that has speech difficulties and was slow to read and write, now at the age of 7.  I believe whole-heartedly this is due to his diet in infancy.   It is really important for your pediatrician to be breast-milk friendly.  They need to understand that breastfed babies grow (put on weight) at different rates than formula fed babies.  If you need a proper reference, arm yourself with THIS on your next visit to the pediatrician’s office.  There are other versions as well on THIS website.

I do understand that some moms must use infant formula.  Infant formula was created for women who are unable to lactate and for babies who have true allergies to breastmilk.  Unfortunately, there are millions of women who don’t even try because society has made it so easy to access formula and has given women the impression that formula feeding is actually easier.  I don’t fault the women…I fault the media and society for this.  We as women and mothers need to educate other moms and moms to be about breastfeeding  and all of its benefits.

Join me in spreading the word about breastfeeding with the WHO and the celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, August 1-7, 2011!  Also, link up to WBW on Facebook!

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