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Archive for the ‘Separation Anxiety’ Category

Overcoming Separation Anxiety

Posted in Being a Mom, Life, Playtime, Separation Anxiety on August 16, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

I’ve been using Happy Baby’s separation anxiety as my excuse for not joining the gym for months.  When summer came, I used his older siblings as my excuse not to go.  I made up my mind shortly before the big kids started school that the excuses were over and it was time for me and Happy Baby to go join our local fitness center.

I had done my homework, found a wonderful facility that is affiliated with a hospital where we live that offers lots of group fitness classes, water aerobics, tons of cardio and weight machines, dozens of personal trainers on staff, and a childcare service with A-MAZ-ING hours.  Many of the fitness centers I found that offered childcare, only did so for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening, none of which really coincided with the group fitness classes they were offering.  Until I found this place.  12 hours a day from Monday through Friday they have childcare available.  They have generous weekend hours as well, so I really have absolutely no excuse to not go.  Except for one thing…how is Happy Baby going to behave?

You see, sometimes, when Happy Baby is minus his Mommy, Happy Baby becomes Not-So-Happy Baby.  My only concern was that even with this great facility, I might be faced with my little guy crying everytime I drop him off.

Is this what I have to look forward to when I return?

Yesterday morning we took a tour of the facility, signed all the paperwork, and went on our merry way.  This morning I woke up fairly early and told myself that I would go ahead and go to the gym, despite the fact that my “orientation” isn’t until next Monday.  I can certainly use the cardio equipment without any instruction from a trainer, and I didn’t see any point wasting a week that was paid for due to a scheduling issue.  I laid in bed, relishing these last few mornings of having Mr. Happy Baby home (before he deploys again), and thinking of how great it was going to be to get to the gym.  I laid there so long I nearly talked myself out of going…”Eh, it’s kinda late…maybe I’ll just go tomorrow…” (Seriously, it was like 9 am).  After I wrestled back and forth on whether or not to still go, I dragged my tired self out of the bed, brushed my teeth, pulled back my hair, washed my face, and put on my gym clothes.  I packed a diaper bag for Happy Baby, kissed my hubby goodbye and set off for the gym.

When I arrived, I had to park pretty far away from the entrance because this is a POPULAR facility!  No big deal…I’m here to get exercise, so I may as well start with my walk to the front door.  I pulled Happy Baby out of his car seat to discover that he had been very busy on the way there…filling his diaper!  I quickly changed him in the back of the car and then we went inside.  I checked in, took him upstairs to the childcare room, signed him in, and let the staff know that I would be on the 2nd floor and they could page me or come get me if he got unhappy at any time.  I set him down in their infant area amidst a gaggle of toys and did my best to sneak out without him seeing me leave.  I made my way downstairs and for the next 3o minutes I was on a treadmill listening to music and incessantly worrying that he was upstairs terrorizing the entire staff with his cries for Mommy.  At the end of those 30 minutes, I practically ran upstairs to go pick him up…today was just a quick test to make sure he would be ok with being left.

Hey Mom! What's up? Wanna play?

I got upstairs and it was as if he had no idea I had ever left.  He was sitting in the middle of the floor contentedly playing with a car and an Elmo toy.  He was living up to his name…Happy Baby!  You’ve never seen a mom quite as proud as me.  He did ok!  Without me!  This is truly a milestone for both of us.  Now I really don’t have any excuse to not go back again tomorrow…and the next day, and the day after that.

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Separation Anxiety for the “Happy Baby”

Posted in Co-sleeping, Naptime, Separation Anxiety, Sleep on July 21, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

My usually happy little guy has become less happy…when he can’t see his mama.  I suppose that one of the down sides to my style of attachment parenting is that my baby wants his mommy to be near him.  At all times.  Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with him (almost) all the time.  However, there are times when I’m feeling like I need a little “me” time, and it would be great if he would be happy being left with my husband or my parents for a little while.  Lately, I can’t even enjoy my weekly worship service for fear that he’s being a complete terror to the nursery workers!  It’s horrible when we get quiet for prayer and you can hear your baby crying just beyond those doors.

My husband says I’ve created “this monster”, and he is partially right.  Is it so wrong to not want your child to cry (translate to:  I don’t want my child to WANT or NEED anything because I am able to recognize all of his needs/wants before they elevate to that cry!)?  So, to keep him happy I have carried him around while I vacuum, do the dishes, switch the laundry, grocery shop, etc., etc.  We co-sleep at night so that when he wakes to nurse, I am right there, waiting with his all-night buffet.  He naps lying in my arms (in hindsight…it honestly cannot be that comfortable for him to not be able to just stretch out!).

My friend visited with two of her kids recently, one of which is 3 days older than my happy baby.  Her happy baby is the polar opposite of mine:

a) she’s a girl

b) she’s a formula baby

c) she sleeps.  alone.  in a CRIB!  and has been since she was just a few days old.

So, while she was here, my friend and my husband conspired to do the “10 minutes in the crib” game with my happy baby.  See, you put the baby in the crib, and if when he cries, you let him cry for 10 minutes before you go back in there.  I wanted no parts of this.  I cannot stand for my guy to cry!  Since she’s been gone, I’ve tried it a handful of times, usually at his late afternoon nap time, after he’s already nursed himself to sleep.  At this point, he’s usually too tired to put up too much of a fight, so he just lies there and cries for just a minute or two, then goes to sleep.

Last night I tried this at bedtime.  He had nursed himself to sleep, and I was confident that his tummy was full, so I attempted to lay him down.  Well, our power had gone off for about 30 minutes earlier that evening, and when it cut back on, apparently the A/C didn’t cut back on automatically, so it was a bit toasty inside.  We stripped him down to his diaper, while he was crying.  My husband brought the fan into his bedroom, and we turned the monitor on, turned the fan onto high, and covered the bottom half of our happy baby up with a blanket.  He cried for about 4-5 minutes, then surrendered to his sleep.  I was amazed.

Hey this works at night too?!  Sweet!  I might get a few hours of sleep without being on all night buffet duty!

Except it didn’t really go down like that.  Instead, I watched the screen of the monitor for even the slightest move that might indicate that he was waking up.  I felt alone, even though my loving husband was lying in bed, snuggling next to me.  I felt a little sad.

What if he wakes up and needs me, and I’m not right there?

What if he wakes up and the monitor isn’t on, then I can’t hear him and he cries for hours?

My mind was going 100 miles a minute.  These thoughts, combined with the super large glass of sweet tea (caffeinated) that I had with dinner were preventing me from sleeping.  At all.  I tossed.  I turned.  I clock-watched.  Finally, after he had been in that crib for 3.5 hours, he stirred.  He cried a little bit, turned himself around in the bed, and curled up in the fetal position to go back to sleep.  I stared at the monitor a little longer.  I noticed the blankets had fallen off of him, and the fan was blowing onto his little body, so I decided he needed me to go at least cover him back up.  I tiptoed into his room, tugged gently on the covers to pull them back up over him, when he turned his head, looked at me, smiled and put his head back down.

Most moms would have just turned and walked out of the room.  Not me!  I breathe a sigh of relief, reach back into the crib to pick him up, and happily carry him back into my room, where I believe he belongs.  At least for now.  Did I sleep any better after that?  Yes, a little.  At least what the high dosage of caffeine I had consumed would allow me.

The point of this is that while babies can develop separation anxiety, it would seem that I am also a little anxious over being separated from my happy baby.

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